And I need to talk to my virtual friends because I am not ready to talk face to face with anyone right now. My husband went off tonight and assaulted our son. He pushed me and I fell when I tried to step in between. Yeah, I know, not the smartest move I have ever made. BUT even though my son is 20 and didn't have any problem handling himself, I still did not want him to have to go through that with his father, AND I'll be damned if he was going to hurt him my son. Anyway, I had to call the police and he was arrested. Unfortunately my son ended up with a black eye and a bloody nose before the police got here. My son and I are going to file a restraining order later today. I am calling a divorce attorney right after the restraining orders are filed.
I am a nervous wreck. I have been in some fucked up relationships before and been assaulted, BUT, I did not have a child; I was not married; I did not owe a house so I was able to just walk away on the spot; AND, I have never called the cops on anyone in my life!! I try to stay away from LE and have succeeded with only one speeding ticket in my almost sixty years.
I have never been afraid of my husband, but now I am terrified. He is a recovering alcoholic who fell off the wagon about 3 years ago. I have been trying to get him to get help for himself, but he wouldn't budge. A couple of weeks ago we found out it was time for my Mom to be moving in with us (which we have been planning on since we were married a little over 21 years ago). He has always known that my Mom would be living with me when the time came. That I would never put her in a home unless it was absolutely necessary. So, this was not something out of the blue. In fact, the house I bought before we were married has enough property to build on a nice addition for her. It also would have had the same for his Mom if he wanted it. I think some how this sent him over the edge. Why he took it out on our son, I'll never know. He loves his son!! WTF????????
Okay - now for the reason, I am terrified. I have known women that have had to do this, and that is when the men they were in the relationship with went really nuts. OH, did I mention my husband hasn't worked for about 4 years now because of a genetic disease (other than alcoholism)? He has been trying to get disability for going on 3 years now. The lawyers say he should have a hearing in July. Oh AND did I mention that because of his disease, his primary doctor has him on Xanax (twice a day) and Loritab (10 mg twice a day) even though she knew he was a recovering alcoholic. His oncologist never said anything about the meds (that I know of anyway) or if she did, his primary doctor didn't take him off of them. However, I will say I am about 99.9% positive that he never told either of them that he was drinking again. So now he is not only an alcoholic, he is an addict. I, like a fucking idiot, have been taking care of him for all this time. I guess I was hoping he would get sober again. About a year ago, I tried to get him to leave. He said (and I quote): "you will have to carry me out of here in a box". I refinanced the house with him after we were married, and he is co-owner of the house. I just wasn't strong enough to do anything at that time, so I decided to try one more time.
Now that his meal ticket are gone and our son is basically done with him, does anyone think I shouldn't be afraid? The police called the EMTS because he claimed to have taken 50 Xanax. Did he? I didn't see him, but I was my office on the phone with the dispatcher until the cops got here. So, I don't know. Anyway, they took him to the hospital and the police said he would be in a psych ward for evaluation for 32 to 48 hours. I guess that gives me a small reprieve, but damn, I am stressed!!
I'm hoping that when he gets sober enough to realize that he will have a warrant for 2 assaults that he will leave the state and go to his home state and STAY away from here. But he has his tools, his truck and all his other shit here. I don't think he'll jsut walk away from all that. And I don't want him to. I want him to be able to get his shit. I just don't want him to ever be near me again. I am sure we can work something out if he will be reasonable. But will he? Fuck me running!!!
I can't believe I am even going to publish this, but Alan Curtis Montgomery inspired me to reach out to you all. Right now, I feel like you guys are the only ones I can talk to. And of course, writing it out and sharing it is supposed to make you feel better. Yeah well, I'll see how well that works. Right now, I am just fucking embarrassed and pissed as hell at myself for staying. Telling you all will hopefully make it easier to face my friends. They will be happy for me that it is over, but... My Mom will be relieved as hell. Even though I haven't worried her with all of this, she is no dummy!!
Okay I'm done with this!! It is time for me to make a plan. Please send good vibes to my son and me. We are going to need them!!
P.S. - I didn't proof read this, so if their are a bunch of mistakes - oh fucking well.
THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you for your SUPPORT!!! I wanted to get back to each of you individually, but I ran out of stream. I WILL get back to each and everyone of you when I am more coherent. Just know that all of the advice has been taken to heart, and the compassion and love have boasted my resolve.
My son did not feel up to going to the courthouse today. He was emotionally drained and had to be at work this afternoon. I did not push me. I am SO very proud of him. He took a shower, put on his uniform and walked out the door with his head held high. He looked so handsome and grown up. I did not go either because I want him to get the restraining order and if I don't go with him, I'm afraid he will not do it. I told him we would do it first thing Monday morning and he agreed. I did not hear back from any of the attorneys I called but that's okay. I have a few friends that are attorneys and I will get in touch with them this weekend.
Now as for the problem. He was taken to a hospital in a city 32 miles from where I live. Believe it or not, they took him to the city where my Mom lives and where I grew up. What are the chances!!!
The hospital will not give me any information without a pass code. So, I will not know when he is released as he is in a different jurisdiction and they will not call my sheriff's department to let them know he has been released. It will be up to him to turn himself in. At least, that is how I understand it. I called the sheriff's department in that city to see if they had any suggestions on what I should do. They are basically shut down for the weekend.
The GOOD news is
- He does not have any cash that I know of, and I took his debit and credit cards out of his wallet before the cops took him away. I also transferred the funds out of our joint account into my business account and he can't touch that.
- He does not have keys to the house nor his garage door opener. He will have to break-in to get in. All of the windows are locked.
- He does not have his phone.
- Neither my son nor I will answer any calls he tries to make to us. We will not answer any calls from numbers we do not recognize.
- I called my best friend and she will be here after she gets off work. She knows him well and feels like I do - this is not over for him.
- I am less afraid and more determined than ever.
- I will take this weekend to load as much I can into his truck and make a plan as to how to get it to him without my son or me being involved.
- We (my son and I) will survive and we will be stronger for the experience.
My friend and I are going to Lowe's when she gets here to get new door knobs and deadbolts. We will change them tomorrow a.m. if not tonight. I am going to cook a late dinner for her, my son and me - it will be ready when he gets home from work. We will construct a plan during dinner. We will make a list of all of our friends and call them and ask them to come to a "get the asswipe's shit out of the house" party and pack him up and move him out. My Mom sounds less stressed than she has in months. That takes a big weight off of me - more than I realized it would!! Btw CV - my Mom thinks I should take you up on your offer - LMFAO!!!
I am very fortunate that I can work at my leisure and I am NOT in the middle of a deadline. June 15th is a small deadline but nothing I can't handle. Of course, I don't make any money if I don't work, but that issue will resolve itself.
Life goes on, and you all have helped me to a place of calm and action. I will never be able to thank you enough!!
________________________________June 8, 2015 12:44 a.m__________________________
I did a lot of soul searching today. I told my son this morning that I was looking into getting us some pepper spray to keep by our beds. REALLY!!! Are we going to stay in a place where we are SO frightened that we need pepper spray by our fucking beds? How long am I willing to let this drag out? What if the house doesn't sell for a year or longer? What if he contests the divorce and the lawyer's fees get into the thousands? What if he comes back and tries to hurt us and the police don't get here on time? NO MORE what ifs!!!! I refuse to live this way any longer and I refuse to put my son through it. We have been packing up our personal stuff since he got home from work. We are leaving the furniture except for my office. His stuff we will be here for him to deal with. We are OUT OF HERE!! I will be unplugging my computer and it may not be back up for a couple of days. I did not want anyone to worry about us. I'll be back as soon as we are settled. WOOHOO - I feel so much better. I will feel even better when we are completely out of here and safe.
Thanks again for all of your advice, love and compassion!!
__________________________June 10, 2015 10:47 p.m._________________
We are at my Mom's and have been since Monday afternoon. The U-Haul is gone. The storage shed is full. And, we have already looked at one house. Unfortunately, it wasn't the one. I am EXHAUSTED, but I feel pretty good. My son has busted his ass and got more done than I thought was possible for one human being. What a man he is turning out to be - I am SO proud of him!! We still don't know if the soon-to-be-ex has been released from the hospital or in jail or what. Neither of us have heard from him. My son has heard from his grandmother and and one of his uncles (via voice mail), but neither of them have heard from the asshole. They actually seem to be worried all of the sudden. Damn shame, they couldn't be bothered during the last 3 years when they could see he was going down!!
My Mom is doing well - she's only gotten aggravated at us a couple of times. She is enjoying everything but the pups - hehehehe!! They are all going through an adjustment period, but they'll be best friends before too long.
I have not read any of the new comments yet, but I will get to them tomorrow. I am actually going to take the day and rest - well - I am going to turn off phones and utilities and.... But hopefully, I will not have to leave the house unless it is to go check out more property.
I hope everyone here is doing well!!!